Confession from a Fool
Its been a long time since I have written in this blog. It was completely abandoned and forgotten by its dear owner. Hehe. And now, she seeks the comfort of this blog, hoping that she can find the answers to all the questions that’s bothering her recently. I, as an owner of this blog, was a good adviser, whether for love or life. I have been gifted with greater understanding in those aspects. Maybe this is because of what I often see in movies and what I read in books. My friends would asked me when they have problems, seeking if they could find answers to what I will tell them. But now, I have a problem own my own, that I could not answer it for myself. I was just a good adviser for others but never been good for myself. In fact, it left be baffled for I was good at what to say with this matter. Yet now, I find myself always questioning "What to do?" or " Am I doing the right thing?".
Is love must be always practical? We often watch movies saying that love is not about the status in life, it is what two people felt for each other. But let’s face the reality now! Maybe we can find in the movies that status in life should not be a hindrance for love. But when we apply it to reality, it’s very hard. Yes, it is! Let’s not be plastic about it. This is because there are people who will always look up on us. What they think and what they can say about us matter. The expectation is very high, especially when you have been the pride of your family. They will expect you to do what is right for what you have achieved in life. But unfortunately, I found myself in-love to a person they say will not be good for me. Not just a simple in love thing but madly and deeply fallen hard to the core or as in perfectly shot to the center. He might not be my first boyfriend but he is my first love and maybe the last. Like what they say, you will find someone whom you will truly feel "true love". The kind of feeling that when you are together, you can only see the "you and me" and the hell with the rest of the world. Many people in our place have said that what’s between us is wrong. I am way too good for him to deserve me. Like what practical mothers always tell "You don’t have a future in him". I have been well-educated and that I deserve someone who has the same status as mine.
But only few who have greater understanding and open minded people would understand when someone would fall in-love and marry someone without looking the status in life. There will be many who would think for that someone as FOOL. That is why, I have sought the advices of my friends. That maybe I could find the answers that myself could not figure out. They just told me, I should do what will make me happy and what I think is the right. Still, I could not because when I pursue what I want, someone else heart might break. I would break the precious heart of my mother, the first person who has a high expectation from me. I have fully explained to her well yet she could not understand. If I go for what I want, does it make me less as a good daughter? Does it make me an ungrateful child to my parents? All I am asking is to respect and understand what I felt as a person. Is that asking much?
